Koh Phangan Part 3: Bikes, Nights and Infantile Tykes.

Yes...we are still on Koh Phangan. Yes, I am still a fortnight behind. Yes, I am a bad excuse for a human being. Onwards!

So far on Koh Phangan, if you have keeping up on my blogging exploits, you will have read how I spent a day on a beach and partied, and then read about all of the other beaches I visited. Now you will be asking yourself whether I did anything else? Did I do a boat tour? Did I feel a need for some culture and visit a few temples? Did I decide to go ziplining or waterfall climbing?

The answer to all of those is...well...no.

Well, mostly no.

When I was writing the previous beach-ey post, I realised I was missing out parts of the narrative, and so I decided that this additional blog post was required to fill in the gaps, and give a more accurate snapshot of my island adventures.

The biggest omission was the amount of time I spent on my trusty red scooter whilst exploring this surprisingly sprawling island. An issue common to any small island is that getting anywhere takes much longer than you expect, and whilst Koh Phangan is less than 10 miles across at its widest point, it could take up to an hour to get from one side of the island to the other. There is a rudimentary public transport system, but it is overpriced, with journeys starting from 50B (£1) each way. When you can rent a scooter for 150B (£3) per day, why would you not rent one.

Well, don’t rent one if you can’t drive. There are enough bad local drivers on Phangan, they do not need any help with suicidal driving thanks.

The many side to my bike (I had to photograph it in case of any problems when I returned it, but thought I would put the photos to good use here too).

My initial journeys along the gentle western coastal roads were easy and a good introduction onto a slightly busier road system than I had attempted before.

I seem to frown in every selfie, but I am loving scootering. Promise! Travelling with one meant I could stop when I want to stop; go where I want when I want. I do not know how I really managed without one during previous travels. I am an addict!

The next day I turned my sights on the eastern jungle road, which I’d heard was much more challenging, but much more rewarding.

I first photographed a big tree, because the accompanying sign informed me that it was a famously big...big tree.

Then I followed a detour sign.

The road surface was excellent and easy to drive upon.

All jokes aside, after a few kilometres of steep dirt tracks that crawled over the foothills of the island’s central mountain, I reached the stretch of road which had been properly surfaced and finished, and that was where the fun began.

The roads twisted and undulated sinuously through vibrant primary jungle which echoed to the sounds of cicadas and monkeys. It was just a brilliant road to drive on, and when I attempted it, it was blissfully empty, allowing me to initially crawl along at 30kmph in peace. A few days later I was comfortably whistling through the jungle at 65kmph. Cheeky speeding.

The most difficult main road on the island however was the road that threaded its way into the party town of Haad Rin. It is a testament to its difficulty that I have not taken any photos on it; once I started, I just wanted to get through it as soon as possible. There are multiple, very steep inclines where if you attempt too slowly whilst carrying a passenger, your bike will not make it up. There are sharp bends on the downhill parts where you have to slow down or you will slam into the scree-filled mountain-side.

To demonstrate how brilliant challenging the road is, one night my friends Fan Ny, Molly and I decided to head to Haad Rin for a night out. Fan Ny could use a motorbike, and had rented one, but Molly did not want to rent one, and so I agreed to give her a lift into Haad Rin, and Fan Ny a lift back to the hostel. She was nervous, but for the first (flat) 10km, she grew increasingly confident and declared that riding a scooter was OK. Then the hills and bends started, and….pretty much...she did not stop screaming in my ear for about fifteen minutes, despite the fact I was travelling at 40kmph or less throughout, which Fan Ny declared (in typical German abruptness) was boringly slow.

Molly took a taxi back to the resort, and never took a lift from either of us on a motorbike again.

This is probably where I shouldn’t mention that upon returning from Haad Rin in a slightly intoxicated state, I decided it would be a good idea to race the taxi back to the hostel, resulting in me driving at 70kmph in the rain. Not my best idea, but still fairly proud of it regardless.

...

These references to late night motorbike trips to Haad Rin link nicely into my other major activity; partying. I feel I was being fairly responsible in that I went out on only four nights out of six. This was partly because on the other two my hostel was screening some fairly decent movies, and watching movies is infinitely cheaper than drinking alcohol. But still, on four nights, I found myself enjoying a beer or two (or ten) on Haad Rin Nok Nai. I just don’t think the feeling of enjoying an ice cold beer on a beach, under the starry sky, whilst watching the thunderstorms war over nearby Koh Samui island, can be beaten.

My first night you know about already, as it was included in Koh Phangan part 1. The next night, I ended up heading out with a local guy, confusingly called Guy, back to Haad Rin.

Do I ever take a good photo when drunk???

Here’s where the ‘infantile tyke’ part of my title comes from, because that one night out with him caused so much drama, and has reinforced my convictions that I would rather go drinking with westerners than I would locals.

Guy initially seemed friendly and perfectly fine. He gave me a lift to Haad Rin, and we spent the evening in a few different beach bars, and it was a laugh. We met a few of his friends, danced on the beach, I was groped by an Argentinian (another example of the mindset of ‘hey, you’re on that gay app Grindr, therefore it is acceptable to touch you whenever I want’...NO IT F@*@**G ISN’T!), and we headed back to Baan Tai. It was a good evening, and we ended up kissing before I went back to my hostel. It was nice.

The next day, and I get this barrage of messages from him, wanting me to come to his bar, and come see him, and come kiss him again, and come to his bar, and come see him. I had already made plans to rent a motorbike, and did not want the money I’d paid to rent it to go to waste. I explained this to him, and he seemed put off, but said OK. I also spent the following day being pestered by his messages, and equally I made my excuses and spent the day on my scooter. He invited me out that evening, and I said I was not sure if I felt up to it, so he should just go out without me, and I’ll let him know if I head out.

I ended up staying in the hostel, watching movies, and then fell asleep in a hammock. I wake up in the morning (in my bed, I migrated at midnight) to these angry-drunk texts saying he knows what kind of person I am, and that I am messing him around. I wake up to this, roll my eyes, and go back to sleep. However, that afternoon, I head to his bar (with its very, very nice attached pool), apologise (mostly so I can use said pool) and agree to see him that night.

That night, I head out with Fan Ny and Molly, and we have a great time on the beach enjoying the fire shows, shisha, and cheap cocktails.

I am glad that this photo was equally bad for everyone ;)

Guy says he is coming just to see me, as he has no money, and we wait for him. Eventually at 11.30, he says he is in the club which you have to pay for (he presumably got in free), which we did not want to go to. We instead danced on the beach, Molly (who was increasingly intoxicated) attempts quite successfully fire skipping, and we are generally having a great night. By around 01:00am, Molly was increasingly looking worse for wear, having been matching her drinks to mine (we were sharing buckets), so we make her eat a pancake to help her sober up, and end up sat outside the club, and Guy finally decides to see us, and looks increasingly petulant as he realises we are more concerned about Molly than we are excited to party with him. We decide that Molly needs to go home, and Fan Ny and I feel bad continuing to party without her, so we follow her taxi back on our mopeds.

Cue the angry drunk texts from Guy at 03:00am once more, followed by an unfriending on Facebook.

I realise that this has been a very long-winded story, but I feel I needed to tell it, as I spent much of my time on the island being annoyed by his antics. It is not as though he is even that young; he is 30. He should have the emotional maturity to realise that you cannot have a relationship with a foreigner who only plans to spend a handful of days in anyone place, and whose priority is to see the island and get a suntan rather than babysit an immature local.

I just needed to get that story off my chest!

Aside from parties, scooters and drama, I must admit not a lot happened. There was just a lot of napping, snoozing and hammock time going on.

My favourite place on the island.

The view from the hammock.

That pretty much sums up everything that went on whilst I stayed on Koh Phangan. Next up is the similarly-named but radically-different island of Koh Phayam.

DSP

PS: I forgot to include this in the main body of the blog, but we also frequented the brilliant night market in Thongsala town.